Friday, February 1, 2013

A Life Changing Decision

I have always been known as the peace maker in my family.

I am the organizer, the mediator, the first one to reach out, and usually the first person to say "I'm sorry" even if I did not know what I was apologizing for.  I felt I had to do those things to keep my family together.

I realized at an early age that my family was not normal.  What my family portrayed to the outside world was vastly different than the ones behind closed doors.

Acceptance and love from my family became my lifetime goal- I  pretended that my family was normal and played the role they wanted me to portray.  Pretending was better than facing reality.

But there's only so much pretending you can do.  There's only so many excuses you can make for your family.  There is only so much hurt you can endure.

Every time I try to distance myself from my family- they can reach out and hurt you.

When I found out about the latest offense -  I wasn't angry.  I was deeply saddened and hurt by the rage and anger that was aimed at me.  This time I couldn't make excuses for this one- it was time for me to cut off that branch and nurture the healthy branch - RM and Moe.

RM and I decided for my emotional well being  and physical safety, it was better to have no contact with my family or extended members. 

I love living here in Folsom.  I love the slow pace of the community.  I have made some lifelong friends.  And yet I always knew that Folsom would not be our long term home.

We decided that the best thing for our family is to  live outside of California and head towards the South or East coast.  We don't know where or when, but I'm hoping that we'll settle into our new home later this year.

It's time to make a fresh start.

1 comment:

Kristina P. said...

Good for you. I haven't gone so far as completely cutting a family member out, but definitely limiting contact. For a long time, I was the black sheep and the mean one. But as my siblings got older, they now get it. We have to protect ourselves.