The Busy Bee

 

That's how I've been feeling (and looking)  lately. 

A deranged bee with wings flapping a hundred miles a minute and only stinging those who get in the way....at least that's what RM tells me.

I've been having insomnia.  I haven't had a good night's rest since...well, I can't remember when I had a full night's rest.

I'm usually able to sleep by one in the morning, but lately my eyes don't get droopy until four am.  The things that need to get done feels overwhelming and just when I think I can't get it done - there's a reservoir of strength that I'm able to tap into.

So far it's been a crazy and busy year and we haven't reached the six month mark!

The things that I usually love to do - reading, blogging, and lunch dates with friends have had to take a backseat towards work and family commitments.

Sometimes I wonder if that's why I don't have any more kids because I only have the strength to focus on one son who is having a difficult year (more on that later).

This year has also been one of self-reflection.  Managing my expectations and working on the weaknesses that have prevented me from becoming the person that God wants me to be.

When I'm able to get a good night's rest and I can  get more than just ten minutes to blog - it would be fun to update you on the happenings of....... my crazy busy bee life.

Valentines Day 2013

This year we actually celebrated Valentine's Day ON Valentine's Day because two of my favorite people in the world were home!

 I've been accompanying RM on many of his business trips and was with him on another business trip to Southern California for a week and arrived home the night before Valentine's Day dinner.

The homemade dinner and dessert that I planned to make for Valentine's Day dinner went out the window after being on the road with RM for over a week. Instead we had take out Italian dinner and cupcakes from our favorite cupcake bakery.

And after dinner, RM and Moe presented me with gifts!

They knew my love for See's Candy!  Nuts and Chews- the only way to eat See's!

 I opened Moe's card first, the front card read:  "On Valentine's Day I just wanted to say- As a mom you're not half bad"

 On the inside of the card, Moe wrote a handwritten note:  "I'm glad I can be home to celebrate Valentine's Day with you. Enjoy the chocolate! Love, Mitch AKA your son"

 And then there was RM's card...

 ....his cards always makes me teary

 And who says Valentine's Day is for Sweethearts- it's about friendships too.  My good friend Natalie gave me a Sunshine basket filled with all goodies that were yellow- candle, candies, lotion, a funny video, and several sunny quotes.

Here were one of the quotes that were in the basket:  "Turn your face to the sun and all of the shadows fall behind you" 

Though it was good decision to cut ties off with my family she knew I was feeling down and that I needed a basket of sunshine.

And the goodies kept poring in- my friend Barbara brought over a plate of Valentine's Day sugar cookies. 

My friends have become an extension of my family- I'm lucky.

And RM and Moe will forever be My Valentine.

A quietness in my soul

RM has been out of town for a week on business. It has given me some time to be by myself, catch up on things that I need to do around the house, and most importantly let everything that has happened to "sink in".

I've been having dreamless and peaceful sleeps- haven't had those in a long time.  I wake up feeling light and rested.

I was talking to RM on the phone last night.  We talked about our day and then we talked about my family and the decision that I made to stay away from them.

We discussed how our life has been in the short time since making that decision. He's also been affected by my family's antics.  I never realized how much my family's negative behavior affected him until he said this to me,  "There's a quietness in my soul."

That one sentence sums up my feelings.

I no longer have the negative chatter in my head.

The burden that was put on my shoulders from my family....is gone.

My soul was in turmoil.

But no longer.

There is FINALLY a quietness in my soul.

A Life Changing Decision

I have always been known as the peace maker in my family.

I am the organizer, the mediator, the first one to reach out, and usually the first person to say "I'm sorry" even if I did not know what I was apologizing for.  I felt I had to do those things to keep my family together.

I realized at an early age that my family was not normal.  What my family portrayed to the outside world was vastly different than the ones behind closed doors.

Acceptance and love from my family became my lifetime goal- I  pretended that my family was normal and played the role they wanted me to portray.  Pretending was better than facing reality.

But there's only so much pretending you can do.  There's only so many excuses you can make for your family.  There is only so much hurt you can endure.

Every time I try to distance myself from my family- they can reach out and hurt you.

When I found out about the latest offense -  I wasn't angry.  I was deeply saddened and hurt by the rage and anger that was aimed at me.  This time I couldn't make excuses for this one- it was time for me to cut off that branch and nurture the healthy branch - RM and Moe.

RM and I decided for my emotional well being  and physical safety, it was better to have no contact with my family or extended members. 

I love living here in Folsom.  I love the slow pace of the community.  I have made some lifelong friends.  And yet I always knew that Folsom would not be our long term home.

We decided that the best thing for our family is to  live outside of California and head towards the South or East coast.  We don't know where or when, but I'm hoping that we'll settle into our new home later this year.

It's time to make a fresh start.

Happiness and Good Health for 2013

 

We rang in the New Year celebrating with friends.  Our good friends, the Clark Family hosted the New Year's Eve party at their home.  Everyone was told to get a babysitter for their young kids (which of course doesn't apply to us since our "kid" is 20 years old) and surprisingly many of the adults at the party were able to find babysitters!

 

 

  We convinced Moe to come with us for the first hour of the party before he joined his friends for their own New Year's Eve party.  Moe stayed at the party for nearly two hours.  He was surprised to find that he was enjoying talking to the "older folks" and the good food was enough for him to stay longer.

 

 

 

 We played a game of "Would You Rather" which is a great game with a big group.  From that game, I found out a lot of interesting information about myself.  For example:  I would rather have brown teeth than have a hairline that  my extends down to my eye brows- you can always get veneers.

 

Though I tend to be more comfortable with parties of small groups (opposite of RM), I still had a GREAT time.  We came home after two am and it took us another hour to wind down before we went to bed.

 

 

 



(taken at a restaurant in Lake Tahoe)

 



It took a few days to recover from our late night "partying" (hard to believe that I used to be a night owl) and stayed in South Lake Tahoe for a few days to enjoy the snow and be away from home.  It was a great opportunity to be away from the distractions to discuss with Moe his goals for school. 

 

As we discussed our goals for 2013, we also reflected on the ups and downs of 2012.  

 

I decided not to make a list of resolutions this year- if I did the list would be endless.

 

I only have one item on my New Years Resolution list for 2013...."My well being and happiness comes first before my family and friends." That may sound like a selfish goal, but I assure you it is far from being selfish.

 

It has taken me so many years to realize that when I take care of myself first:

 

I am a better partner and wife

 

I am a better mother

 

I am better friend

 

I serve better in church and in my community

 

I'm a better person

 

The stress that I have dealt with extended family members has affected my health: it's a wake up call.  In order for me to be healthy and happy, I have to distance myself from those family members,  even at the risk that I may come across as aloof, cold, and unfeeling. 

 

I finally get what RM has told me all these years......the most important people in our life are the ones under our roof.

 

I owe it to RM and Moe, and most importantly myself to be healthy and happy- that is one goal worth striving for.

 

 

 

 

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day 2012

 

 

 

For many years Christmas Eve was celebrated at my (adopted) mother's home.  Over the years, my mother developed health issues and we moved Christmas Eve to my sister Steph's home. 

 

 

 

Pictured in the middle is my favorite brother in law Eddy. (I actually say that to all of my brother in laws because they're all great!)

 

 

 

My sister Steph pictured with our mother.

 

 

 

We have a huge Christmas Eve dinner and afterwards we exchange presents.  My mother loves to  bring Santa's Stockings presents to my nephew Tommy and to Moe and they love opening them!

 

 

 After opening presents, it's time for a Christmas music jam session!

 

 

 

RM on the piano.  Eddy on the electric guitar.  Moe on the ukulele and vocals.  I tried to be a backup singer....and was promptly kicked out out of the band. 

 It was another great Christmas Eve celebration!

 

 

 

We arrived home after midnight.  I immediately climbed into bed and fell asleep, while Moe and RM stayed up late wrapping presents for me!

 

Before they went to bed, RM watched Moe put out cookies and milk for Santa. 

When RM asked Moe if he was just a little too old for that, Moe shrugged his shoulders with a slight smirk on his face and replied, "Old habits die hard."

 

 

 

We didn't have a Christmas morning because we all slept in past 10am! 

 

 

 

It was a chilly 30 degrees outside (cold for Northern California standards)

 

 

 

One of Moe's favorite gift items:  rope

 

 

 

Camouflage hunting masks for Moe and RM.  The theme this year for gifts was "doomsday preparations".  RM's big gift from myself and Moe was a high tech flashlight- he loved it.

 

RM and Moe's gift for me was a set of PJ's from a designer that I absolutely love and some fuzzy slippers- they were perfect gifts!

 

 

 

 

Later we had Christmas dinner with the sister missionaries:  Sister Angamarau and Sister Vaughn. 

After dinner, we played some board games.

The dinner was a bust- it wasn't up to the standard that RM and I have for a great dinner.  We blamed it on a small kitchen, being overtired and lack of sleep.

 

Despite a disappointing dinner menu, there were lots of laughter, smiles, and the spirit of Christmas was felt by everyone.

 

 

 

Christmas: A month long celebration

This Christmas has been the busiest season for us in a long time. Our challenge this year was to make the Christmas season less stressful, more fun and heartfelt, and more Christ Centered. 

Despite a little hiccup with some family members that occurred early December, we were still able to achieve our goal to have a memorable Christmas.

Here are the highlights for our Christmas Season 2012:

We kicked off the Christmas season by having our annual Christmas party.  It is our way of showing our appreciation for our friends.  We have a big spread of appetizers and we had our guests bring the desserts.

We don't have a big home,  so we invited only three couples.  RM loves to entertain and wanted to invited a few more couples- I convinced him to cut the guest list by half. 

 We provided games and prizes.  It was a fun night!

We look forward to having another Christmas party next year in a bigger house!

 

 

You absolutely cannot let the Christmas season pass with out decorating sugar cookies!  I wanted to decorate the cookies the "correct way" and looked at many recipes and tips on how to decorate a sugar cookie with royal icing.  RM and I went to a crafts store and bought all the necessary tools.

 

 

 

RM appointed himself "Head of Quality Control".  Anytime a cookie had edges that looked too brown- he eats them. 

 

 

 We invited the missionaries and two of my nieces for dinner and cookie decorating.  It was one of the sister missionaries birthday, so in addition to the cookies we ate- I made giant vanilla cupcakes for Sister Vaughn's birthday. 

The results of our decorating.  I think I only managed to decorate four cookies.  It's a lot of work having a sugar cookie decorating party!

 

 

 

My 11 year old niece Suliana on the left and my 18 year old niece Vanessa on the right. After the end of the evening they were already talking about next year's cookie decorating party.

 

 

 

RM gave me an early Christmas present:  A Kitchen Aid Mixer.  It made baking a lot easier, which makes me wonder why I didn't get this useful gadget a long time ago.

 

 

 

 My first Caramel apple pies.  RM took these pies to his home teaching families.

 

  

 

 We have  many musically  talented members in the Folsom Stake Ward.  Every year the stake puts together a Sing along Christmas Musical.  It's one event that RM and I try to attend every year.

  

 

 The Christmas season isn't complete without a trip to Apple Hill for lunch and fresh apple juice. (It took twenty years for us to finally get Moe to take a picture with Santa....better late than never)

 

 We bought a couple of jugs of apple juice for Moe.  He plans taking a few them back with him to the Bay Area.

 

 Our family loves music and theater especially around Christmas. 

Instead of going to S.F. for a concert, we went to a Christmas music concert at the Folsom Three Stages.

 

 

 

We loved the Christmas goodies we received from friends.

 

 

And the Christmas goodies kept coming in.

I think home baked goods make the best type of Christmas presents.

 

 

Lunch and dessert at the Cheesecake Factory.  My plan to stick only to eating salad went down the drain when I saw a peppermint bark cheesecake as an option. And then I took a few bites of RM's caramel cheesecake and then another few bites out of Moe's cookies and cream cheesecake.

 

I  never did finish my salad.

 

 

 

With only a few days before Christmas, we finally found some time to decorate Gingerbread houses - a tradition that we stopped several years ago

 until Moe decided we should start that tradition again. 

 RM and Moe found an innovative way for the frosting to dry up quickly.

 

 

 The walls kept falling down.  So RM's solution was to use Automotive Glue to keep the house together.  This was definitely not an edible Gingerbread House.

 The glue managed to keep Moe's house together.....



 .....for only a few seconds before it all started tumbling down.

We assumed that RM's gingerbread house would start to fall apart as Moe's did. 

 And it never fell apart!

  RM thought at that moment it was a great gospel teaching moment about building your house on a solid spiritual foundation. 

 I told RM to hold on to that thought for another day....our stomachs was more interested in getting fed than our spirits.

 

 

We did alot this Christmas season.  And I haven't blogged about our Christmas Eve or Christmas Day yet!