Monday, May 7, 2012

Never Compare

The other day a well meaning friend said to me, "I just got a call from Jane, she's upset that she got pregnant again."

I replied, 'I guess that means she wasn't planning on getting pregnant anytime soon."

And then my friend added, "That's a case in where Jane's adversity is getting pregnant easily and your adversity is not being able to get pregnant or have more children.  Her trial and pain is the same as yours."

This is not the first time that a well meaning person has said this to me.

I didn't know how to respond.  I was too shocked and hurt to say anything. 

But if I were to turn back the clock I would have said this to her:

"You know what you're right.  I know that often pregnancy is not happy news for couples, especially when its not planned.  I can only imagine the problems that will come from having this unexpected pregnancy.  But you can't compare my trial of not being able to have more children with hers. 

At the end of the day;

She has one more child to call her mom.

She has one more child to hold.

She has one more child to love.

She has one more child to hug.

And when this child grows to be a wonderful adult- she'll thank God that this child came into her life.

As for arms will always stay empty. 

But  I will continue to pray for acceptance of His will for me  and gratitude that the Lord blessed me with at least one child."  (end)

I do find myself green with envy towards family and friends who have several children.  I wish I had their life.  But I find myself wondering if RM and I would be as close,  if we had more children.

Would Moe be the person he is, if our attention had to be divided to his other siblings?

What would I have to sacrifice in my life right now to have more kids?  What would I have to give up to have the life that my family and friends have?

And the answer is.....I don't want to give up anything.

 I love the relationship that I have with RM.  And I know we wouldn't have had the energy, money, or stamina to deal with Moe's health issues.

The Lord always knows what's best for me.....even if I don't always agree with Him.

But eventually I come around.

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