I worked out at the gym Saturday morning. I usually have a lot of energy after a work out, but I was tired before the workout and was still tired after the workout. I decided to take a nap before the baby shower. It was supposed to be a 30 minute nap that turned out to be a 3 hour nap! The dumb alarm clock didn't go off. At least it was one of the best naps I've taken in a looong time and I was well rested enough to go my husband's company dinner that evening.
I went online to survey the menu and already picked out what I was going to eat before we went to the restaurant. There were some items that I ate that were not planned. There was a seafood cold platter that was ordered for appetizers. The platter contained huge shrimp, oysters, & crab meat. I had one of each and it was DELICIOUS! There was bread that came straight from the oven, that I could not refuse. I had a few small slices and didn't regret a single bite. I had steak, steamed asparagus, and shared a dessert with my husband. My only regret is that I should have ordered the lobster tail. It was the most expensive item and I didn't feel comfortable ordering it, until I saw the waiters bring in the lobster tails to some of my husband's coworkers! My mouth was salivating over their orders even though my steak was still delicious. I ate a small portion and took the rest home.
I ate more than I planned, but I did not feel bad about it. I knew that if I refused to eat the bread, the cold platter and all the other yummy stuff that people were offering me that I would regret not trying it. The regret of not tasting these food items that I usually don't eat would have been far greater than the satisfaction of keeping within my points that evening. How often am I going to eat out like that on company's dime? I didn't stuff myself and that's what counts.
Sunday was a different matter. My sister and I talked on the phone about the graduation party on Friday. There were some uncomfortable feelings and some family dynamics that aren't so great. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I felt there were some unspoken accusations and bad feelings that still linger from certain extended family relatives. My sister felt it too. Sometimes I wonder if that's why I was so exhausted because those feelings made my chest tight, my head hurt, and made me wonder question choices I have made in the past. There was nothing planned on Sunday except for church, so I couldn't run away from those feelings that I tried to keep stuffing inside.
And I ate over them. I have always categorized binges into two categories; "Major binges" and "Minor binges". What I did yesterday was a "Minor binge." There's nothing to celebrate about that. A binge is a binge and I failed that day. Last night I had a series of nightmares about the same relatives. I woke up this morning with a start and immediately felt a wave of relief that they were only nightmares, but they were so realistic.
I know now what is a major trigger point for me, it's my extended family outside of my own siblings. They bring things up that I want to forget. They live in the past and I want to move on. I think this time before I go to a family event, I'll ask to see the guest list or just not bother to go at all.
Food for Thought: "Families are like food. Some are good and sweet. Some are flavorful and nutty. Some causes bad indigestion and are downright toxic." original quote from H.K.
2 days ago