We are Nothing alike

I went out walking with a friend and then we had lunch. As we were gabbing and eating, she said that we were on the same fitness level and about the same size. I had to keep my mouth from dropping open. (It wouldn't have been a pretty sight, since my mouth was full with salmon) All I did was shake my head yes and changed the subject.

Later that day, I reflected on our conversation. I thought about our height, I"m 5'7, she's about 5'5. I recalled the day we took a fitness class together, I kicked butt and she didn't. But, when we went out walking she was walking a faster pace than me. She's more top heavy, I'm more bottom heavy (I can fill a trunk, like no body's business). Our eating habits are amazingly alike...we eat too much of everything! And we're both a size 14.

I finally admitted that both my friend and I are at the same fitness level and the same size. We have different shapes and we're both women who want to lose weight. It's funny because I always thought of myself as thinner than her. I was obviously in a lot of denial.

Six years ago, I was a size 18 and weighed over 200 lbs. I knew I had gained a lot of weight, but I didn't think it was that bad. EVERYONE kept telling me that I looked great. Then one day I saw my reflection at a store window and I was shocked. Who was that big woman? I stood rooted at that spot and stared at my reflection. All these questions and thoughts whirled through my head, "How did I let myself go?" "Why did everyone lie to me?" "I'm definitely not skinny anymore."

The moment of truth. I asked my mother, "Mom, am I fat?" She looked at me straight in the eye and said, "Yes, honey you are." She was the first person who was honest with me. I joined Weight Watchers and went down to a size 12. Since, then I have gained, lost, gained and lost.

Now, it seems I'm stuck at a size 14. I still have some weight to lose and I don't want to be comfortable at the weight I am. My friend I and are the same. We're on the same journey. She wants to lose her stomach rolls and I want rid some of the junk in my trunk!


Food for Thought: “It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept." Bill Watterson

No more Excuses!

I've been looking at my past posts and realized I never share any good news. It's always about my struggle with weight loss. And since I have started this blog, I haven't lost any weight! When I decided to write a blog about my weight loss which was about a month ago, I imagined that I would write about ALL my successes. I envisioned myself telling everyone how much weight I LOST every week. It has yet to happen. Instead I write about my excuses, my weaknesses, and then I give more excuses.

I was talking to my girlfriend last night and we talked about our attempts to lose weight. After I hung up with her, I got depressed. She was saying that it was hard for her to lose weight because she's a single mom and she works a lot of hours. And then I listed some health problems I have had, and told her if I didn't have them it would be easier to lose weight. I realized that we have been talking about the same excuses for years!

Let's get real! There are many women out there who are single moms who manage to lose weight. And there plenty of women who have health problems and are able to lose weight too. It may be harder for other women to lose weight than others, but it is still POSSIBLE. I realize my biggest problem is that I don't make each day count. I wrote about that in an earlier post! And I'm still doing it! I keep saying, "I'll do better TOMORROW!"

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I don't know if I'll exercise tomorrow or if I'll stick with my healthy eating plan. Who knows what will happen tomorrow or how I'll feel. I just know what it is that I need to do TODAY! And I'm going to make TODAY count!


Food for Thought: "Learn from Yesterday, Live for Today!"

My Biggest Pet Peeve

The BIGGEST PET PEEVE that I have is when you bust your butt making dinner and your family doesn't feel like eating or they bring take out dinner. Last night, I knew everyone was going to be home late. One was working out with his football team mates for spring training, another one was running around getting last minute prom stuff done, and the husband was working late. So, I felt bad that everyone wouldn't be able to eat dinner until after 8pm.

I wanted to make a really good dinner. I make the entree and the side dishes and time it, so that when they got home, they would have a nice warm meal. Nothing needs to be heated up. I even made a homemade dessert. Which I usually only do on Sunday. I just want everyone to be happy.

And then I frantically clean the kitchen, set the table, put everything in the warmer and they come home...with takeout dinner. I feel like crying and I try very hard not to (they called me Ms. Sensitivity in high school, it wasn't a compliment). I told them that I would have dinner ready. I sent them a text. I left them a message on their cell phone. I also called them again to make sure they got the message. Yet, they still stroll in with takeout dinner. Their reason? They had to break a $20 bill.

I've lost my appetite (which is probably the only good thing that has happened) and I put away the dinner. Everyone felt bad and apologised. They tried to eat my dinner in addition to the takeout dinner that they greedily eat up. My husband tries to kiss my butt and tell me that dinner was the best dish he's ever eaten. (I personally think he was trying to avoid sleeping on the couch) I don't care at this point. I'm going on strike and as long as I live...I will NEVER COOK for my family again!

(I know I'll cook again, it just felt so dang good to write that!)

Food for Thought: What's your biggest pet peeve?

My Road Blocks

If I'm going to lose weight I need to take a good look at myself and find out what my weaknesses are. Here are some of the things that I do that are my roadblocks to weight loss.

1 - Our family LOVES to go out to eat. We go out at least once a week. The problem is that I LOVE FRIED FOOD. So, when I dine out I eat stuff that I would never cook. When I eat Chinese food, it's Orange Chicken (deep fried chicken). When I eat Mexican, it's Chimichangas (deep fried burritos). When I eat American, it's the good ole fried chicken, greasy hamburgers, and french fries. I feel like I'm wasting money buying healthy foods, I know it's insane.

2- When ever I get together with my girl friend's or I'm around company, I never notice HOW much I eat. I'll eat past the point of full. My mouth chatters as my hand keeps shoveling food in my mouth. I feel like the Energizer Bunny, except my battery charger is food!

3. I have to stop comparing my weight loss to others. I belong to a weight loss group and everyone is losing weight steadily, except for me! It has come to the point that I make up excuses for not going to my weigh in. I don't begrudge anyone for their weight loss, it can be very inspiring. But at the same time, it's a reminder that I haven't lost any! I need to get over it.

4. I noticed that when I lose some weight, I go out celebrating by eating. The conversation that I have with myself goes like this, "Wow, H.K. you lost weight! Have a cookie, you deserve it. Don't feel full? Here...have a few more." Crazy right?

5. I keep trying to lose more than 1 lb a week. I want to hurry up and lose weight now. I'm not pacing myself. I tend to go extreme, rather than just cutting a few things out of my diet. I tend to be "it's all or nothing" type person. If I can't go to the gym that day, why bother doing any type of exercise at home. I'll cut out all types of carbs in my diet, and then get really sick in a few days. I'm an extremist and it's not helping.

It's helpful for me to see what my roadblocks are. And I know exactly what it is that I need to do. Just wish me luck that I follow through!

Food for Thought: What are your roadblocks?

Sugar, Sugar, and more Sugar

I woke up Friday morning with a ROTTEN attitude. I didn't feel like eating anything healthy for breakfast. I didn't want a fruit smoothie. I didn't want oatmeal. I wanted my decaf mocha with lots of whip cream and a chocolate croissant, which is exactly what I had for breakfast. The worst part of that breakfast is that I did not feel guilty. I enjoyed every single morsel and licked the chocolate from my fingers!

I try to have a fruit, or light yogurt for a mid morning snack after I have breakfast. Did I have that? No! There were Chips Ahoy cookies on sale for only $2, so I bought it and ate 4 cookies for a snack. And the guilty feelings never came! The strange part is that I didn't crave for sugar at all. I felt satisfied with the mocha and croissant and I really did feel like having a yogurt.

There really was no excuse for wanting the sugar. I wasn't near my period. I wasn't stressed. I just didn't feel like being GOOD. I got tired of the healthy routine and I wanted to rebel. I didn't feel like blogging which usually helps me get out my funk. I didn't want anything to get in the way between me and my rebellious need to eat sugar and lots of it!

The most infurating part of me wanting to eat sugar is that it didn't really taste that good. I didn't enjoy eating the cookies, all I could think of was the healthy yogurt sitting in my refrigerator! I stubbornly ate a few more cookies, drank lots of water, and was conscious of poriton control for my meals. (I really suck at trying to be bad on my diet)

The strange part of all this is that I still exercised. That is the only part that I did not feel like rebelling. I have always loved to exercise. And I never feel like I "have to" exercise. I guess that's why I didn't feel the need to rebel against exercising. Today, I'm back on track. I still want a mocha and a chocolate croissant for breakfast, but a cup of oatmeal will do the trick...at least for now.


Food for Thought: Do you ever get tired of always trying to eat healthy and exercising? Do you rebel? What do you do when the "rotten attitude" sneaks in?

My Random Thoughts on The Biggest Loser Show

- Jillian the trainer on Biggest Loser scares me. She's tough, she's mean, but that girl can get results! I just don't ever want her to be my trainer.

- I love Bob. I just want to HUG him. He's the polar opposite of Jillian. If he was my trainer, I would hug him after every training session.

- Always make sure you're not wearing mascara when watching. I can't stand it when someone is being eliminated, even when I don't like the person. Hubby think it's funny when I cry. He's such a "sensitive" soul.

- Don't you think Allison Sweeney, the gal that hosts the show, should display some kind of emotion, make some kind of comment, any comment? Not the neutral questions that she asks the contestants that doesn't give us an insight to what her opinions are. I know not her fault, the producers.

- I love it when they show how the eliminated contestant looks like towards the end of the show. Right before the credit rolls, they show a picture of the contestant and what their goal weight or dress size they want to reach by the time the season finale arrives. It seems that most of the women (at least when I've watched the show) all want to be single digit dress sizes. Hey, I think it's great to have that goal. But, I also believe you don't have to be a single digit dress size to look great. It's a sad state of affairs when a size 10 is considered full figured.

- There were two other shows that aired the same time as "The Biggest Loser". I usually like watching "Dancing with the Stars." But it depresses me to watch all these professional dancers with their skimpy outfits draped over their firm, lean, no sign of fat on their bodies. And then there's "American Idol" with Paula Abdul and her wacky commentary...I'll pass this season. I love watching (abbr)"TBL!" I get motivated! I get pumped! I know how these people feel, I can relate to them more than a celebrity dancing or a singer trying to make it big.

- The contestants on "TBL" ran a half-marathon. Watching their determination inspired me. I signed up to race a 5K in May. It's not half-marathon, but it's a start!

Food for Thought: "Do you find watching weight loss shows inspiring?" "Any other weight loss stories that you've read about or watched on TV that are helping you in reaching your goal to be fit and healthy?

(Feel free to post this question on your blog and mention where you got it or you can comment about it right here.)

Tuesday: Weigh in Day

Tuesday is the day I meet with my weight loss group and get on the weight scale. I was fretting all morning, butterflies in my stomach. I managed to go to the gym in the morning, first time in the past few weeks. (I usually go to the gym with Hubbie in the evening.)

I get on the weight scale, holding my breath...

Should I lean back on my heels or lean towards the front?

If I stand up straighter would it take a few ounces off? Maybe even shave one pound off or two?

I'm tempted to stand on one foot.

The display sign starts to flicker and then settle into a number that... I DON'T LIKE.
I gained TWO whole friggin pounds! I want to kick something, anything. I want to cry and throw up my hands in the air and yell out, "Why God? Why?" Except, He would probably laugh at me and say, "I told you not to eat that cookie."

Sometimes it's so easy to lie to myself that I'm doing okay with my diet. Weight scales don't lie. Flashbacks of the past week came rushing through. I KNOW what I did to gain the weight. The only person I should blame is myself. That's it. No excuses.

I feel like drowning my sorrows in milkshakes. I know that's the easy way, so I'll just drown my sorrows with a cup of herbal tea. Very exciting.

Food for Thought: What is your source of support? Weight loss group? Blogging? Friends/Family?

(Feel free to post this question on your blog and mention where you got it or you can comment about it right here.)

Waking up with a hangover...from bagel overdose

I did great on Friday! I was inspired by one of the blogs that I read, and though I wasn't able to go to the gym, I jogged outside with Hubby. I woke up Saturday morning refreshed! My eyes flew open at 6am and I was ready to work out in the gym. I believe I woke up energized because I ate so well on Thursday and Friday. I made a concerted effort to eat my veggies and portion control. I felt good! Then what happened? I blame it on the second slice of pizza.

I wasn't hungry when my husband and son brought pizza to the house on Saturday night. But I also had not eaten for several hours, so I thought I would eat one slice. It should have stopped there because I became full after one slice. I "rationalized" (did you now that rational, actually means rational lies?) that it was a Saturday and I should just go for the second slice. The second helping was quickly followed by lots of bread sticks. Did I mention that it was past 7pm when we ate?

The second slice of pizza started a domino effect. I woke up Sunday morning not hungry and went to church with no breakfast. We came home in the afternoon extremely hungry and though lunch was a low calorie meal, I ate a lot of it. The large consumption kept me full until about 9pm, when I became hungry again. I ate 2 whole toasted bagels loaded with PB and jelly.

I woke up Monday morning not feeling well. I had no energy to exercise and slept in until 9am. I call it the "Bagel Hangover." If I am going to work out consistently, I need to eat better. I can't work out if I don't have the energy or too hungover from excessive food consumption! I feel like throwing in the towel, until I read other weight loss blogs. I become inspired and I know that there are other people out there who are just like me!

Today is a new day!

Food for Thought: What do you do to combat the late night munchies? Do you eat? Do you ignore the cravings?

(Feel free to post this question on your blog and mention where you got it or you can comment about it right here.)

Putting Me First

My husband told me that I like to play the martyr. Who? Me? I don't think so. Why did he say that I play the martyr role? Shouldn't I put my family's needs in front of mine? Isn't that what a good wife and mother does? I needed to take a long, hard look at myself. I reviewed my actions during the last week:

- Here honey, you take the car to work. I don't want you taking the train, you always come home smelling like the train station. I'll just go to the gym later.

- I'm going to be late for my spinning class. That's okay, I'll drive you to your friend's house.

- You guys don't want to eat the broiled chicken breasts? I guess I could deep fry them.

- I really do need to go to the gym, but if you really want me to stay. I will.

Wow, no wonder I was feeling so down! I was giving in to my family's needs and pretending that it didn't matter to me. Enough is enough! I felt like Sally Field in the movie "Norma Rae". I wanted to jump up on our dining table (very carefully, of course), put up the sign "Union" high up in the air (can't think of another name for the sign) and yell out at the top of my lungs!

This week, I'm not going to play the martyr! Hubbie (my husband) will have to deal with the smelly commuters. Moe (my teenager) is going to have to learn how to drive! And since I'm the cook, my family eats what I make! They don't like it, they can make their own food! And unless there is someone who needs a trip to the emergency room, I will never be late for my spinning class again!

On a serious note, I'm no good to my family if I'm miserable. When I am happy and healthy, I'm a better wife, a better mother, and a better person. No more playing the martyr!

Food for Thought: Are you a chronic people pleaser? Is it getting in the way towards a healthier you?

(You don't have to answer the question in the comments area. You can take the question and answer it in your own blog or just think it over.)

POPTASTIC GIVEAWAY!

I am always on the lookout for healthful and TASTY recipes. I get a lot of recipe and kid snack ideas from one of my favorite blogs titled, "Mom on the Run." Today she is doing a contest giveaway on these tasty looking chips. I've never tasted them, but I decided what the heck? Let me enter the contest and win some free chips!

What interested me most about these chips is that it has half the fat of regular chips and it contains no trans fat! If you're interested in learning more details about the contest and the chips, just click to "Mom on the Run" website" http://www.smmuconn.blogspot.com/.

Good luck and may the best person win!

Stuffing it ALL in

I have a strange relationship with food. There are days when food is like a warm blanket and it just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, especially when you eat something starchy and high with carbs.

There are other days where you just don't want to take a look at anything that looks like food. That occurs when you feel bloated. It's the kind of bloated feeling that if you jumped into a pool of water, you wouldn't sink...you would float. Who needs a flotation device?

My husband went out and did the grocery shopping (big mistake). He brought back all things salty, fatty, starchy and sweet. When I asked him why he didn't stick to the grocery list, he said the items were on sale. How can I fault him for being so budget conscious? Unfortunately, he bought foods that don't last in the cupboards for very long. They almost always end up right in my stomach!

Oh, how I hate/love food! I stuff myself with food when I'm bored, angry, sad, or depressed. The good news is that my son's friends came over the weekend and I gave them permission to raid the cupboards. (His friends are pretty scrawny, so I didn't feel too bad!) Now, there's nothing tempting in the house to stuff my emotions with...except carrots and celery!

Question of the Day: What kind of techniques do you use to prevent yourself from emotional eating?

Throwing out the EXCUSES

I'm really good at making excuses. Here are a few examples of the excuses I make so that I can eat something that isn't on my diet plan:

- My iron level is low, I think I'll go and order a double decker cheese burger to give me some energy.

- There's nothing like a giant chocolate milkshake to calm the nerves.

- Sunny days mean it's time to get a Sundae!

- I am so mad today I need to eat some cake!

- I read that potato chips can take the nausea away. (Its true, I just don't remember where I read it.)

Today was my weigh in day with my weight loss group. I didn't go. My excuse? I'm on my period. I know it's a...LAME-O excuse. I know that if I want to get healthy and lose weight, I need to THROW OUT THE EXCUSES!

I heard this great quote, "Do the things you NEED to do, even when you don't feel like it. So, that later, you can do the things that you WANT to do."

What do you do to motivate yourself to stay on the weight loss track?

I really want that COOKIE!

Today was the first day of my period and my cravings went up the roof! I usually get the big cravings a few days to a week before my period, so I wasn't prepared to be SO HUNGRY! I did not want to cave in. I was determined to conquer that insatiable craving for sugar...I failed miserably.

I did (almost) everything that I learned about combating the sugar cravings. I drank lots of water. I chewed on gum. I ate raw almonds and fruits. There were sugar free jello and puddings in the refrigerator, but it didn't appeal to me at all. I wanted the real thing. I wanted chocolate chip cookies and I wanted it now!

I only get these type of insane cravings when I am near or on my period. It didn't seem like anything was going to keep me away from eating cookies, so I gave in and ate them. I didn't stop at one...or two... I had 7 cookies! If there were more I would have eaten them. I held off to the bitter end and lost.

It is a sad state of affairs when I'm watching the professional dancers on "Dancing with the Stars," wishing I could have a body like theirs as I dust off the cookie crumbs from my pj's. I know you shouldn't compare your body to others, but you can't help it.

My big lesson for today...Don't keep cookies in the house!!! What techniques do you use to combat those sugar cravings?

Making Today Count!

I am really good at putting things off TOMORROW, especially when it comes to eating healthier.

For example, I'm at a restaurant, there are plenty of healthful options to choose from, but instead this is what I order from the waitress: "I would like to have the Guacamole burger with bacon, make that extra bacon. It comes with fries, right? It does?! Fantastic! I'll have the bottomless basket of fries and oh...I need to watch my weight, so please add a DIET PEPSI with that. Thank You!"

Meanwhile I'm sure my cholesterol level is up, my arteries are probably hardening and I tell myself that I will eat better TOMORROW! Next thing you know another day, a week, and another month passes and every day during that time, you keep telling yourself that you'll do better TOMORROW. Sadly, you haven't lost a single pound.

I am sure that is why I haven't been able to lose weight consistently because I keep putting it off TOMORROW! I woke up this morning tempted to scramble eggs (with the yolks of course), and butter two pieces of toast with lots of jam. Then I remember this quote...

"A moment of pleasure on the lips is a lifetime on the hips." I'm pretty sure I screwed up this quote, so if you know what the correct saying is, please let me know! I'm sure you get the gist. Today is where it counts, who knows what tomorrow will bring. I'm determined to MAKE TODAY COUNT!

If you are anything like me, you have tried losing weight for a long time. What do you think is holding you back from losing the weight that you have tried so long to lose?

Blogging my way through weight loss

I'm excited, a little nervous, a little scared, and wondering if I lost my mind. Am I really doing this? A blog about my weight loss? Do I really want to talk about my moments of amnesia, when I "forget" that there was a healthier option than the hamburger that I ordered? Do I talk about wanting to nearly throw up when I've worked my butt off on the treadmill? Do I really want to write about the insecurities that I feel when you go out with a group of friends and you're the "fat" one? The answer is yes!

I have always found writing to be therapeutic. I love to write, especially about topics that I'm really passionate about. Right now the most prevalent topic is weight loss. I chose the title of my blog, "H.K. Weighs In..." because I "weigh in" on different issues that relate to weight loss.
I "weigh in" on shows or articles that relate to weight loss, low cal recipes, my weekly weigh in with a weight loss group and my ups and downs towards the goal to losing weight.

Every year for the past 7 years, I write "lose weight" in my New Year's resolution list. I am determined that this is the last year that I will put that on my list. This is what I am aiming to put on my New Year's resolution list next year:

1. Maintain my weight loss (Yes, it feels good to write this!)

2. Donate all the "fat clothes", I don't need them anymore!

3. Wear that black, slinky dress that's been hanging in my closet for 5 years! (My husband, especially loves that one!)

**It's a long road ahead of me, but it's one that I plan to stick with.**

Are you always tired of writing "lose weight" on your New Year's resolution list? What are you doing right now to make this year, the year you stay committed to your health?